12 Minutes of Pain

There is a saying "All emotional pain lasts for 12 minutes. Anything longer than that is self-inflicted." While not the most factual of statements, the basis is something of substance. This blog post is going to be about the universal influence in everyone's lives, emotions.  Emotions play a key role in our lives on a daily basis, whether we are able to identify how we feel at this very moment. As insignificant and easy as it sounds, many people cannot recognize their emotions and often act out in various ways as methods of coping with them. Have you ever asked yourself, "Why am I feeling the way I'm feeling?" If not, you should start. Emotions are a guiding factor in most of our activities. Without them, much of our lives would cease to exist. Why would we have have friends if we could not feel loneliness? Why would we listen to sad songs if we could not feel pain? There would be no catharsis from a good cry if there was no reason to cry about. How long would our lives last if we could not feel fear? Why would we be determined to reach a goal if there was no glory or sense of pride waiting at the top of the hill? Who would say sorry if there was no guilt?
Everyone feels all these emotions, but the dichotomy of strong verses weak that is ingrained in us from an early age is ever present and presides over much of our thought processes. Emotions, though we cannot control them, are a forceful factor in how we manage our lives. Though they can cause one to become irrational and throw fits of rage, spiral into bouts of depression, or just an overall numbness from an overload of feelings, feelings itself make life worthwhile. If this is the case, then why are so many people afraid to come forth with their emotions and be open about how they feel?
Contrary to popular belief, feelings come from a place of logic rather than irrationality, as they are messages are brain is trying to send us regarding the situations we are placed in. Allowing yourself to experience them to the fullest extent is not only placing you in an assertive mindset and making you the key player in the story of your life, but it is also allowing you to feel alive. Talking about the way you feel is not emasculating, rather it is a feat all its own. Owning up to your emotions can minimize the problems in your life that are causing them. In fact, not giving your feelings the power they merit encapsulates you in a cycle of trauma, and you may never alleviate the negative emotions you do not let yourself experience. It is understandable that most people favor the rational over emotional, but emotional mastery is something we should all strive for.

"If we can accept the idea that each emotion exists for a reason, then we can find the value that each emotion provides to us.  Finding this value may allow us to understand our feelings and express them in more adaptive ways.  The expression of anger does not have to involve yelling or violence, sadness does not have to involve crying, fear does not have to involve hiding or avoiding. If we listen to our emotions, and understand what our emotions mean, we can respect them and their intensity often fades." -Erik Fisher, Ph.D. Many people are afraid of being vulnerable, but your vulnerable self is your true self, and if you are afraid of your true self, then you have some things to work on. Through the use of purely logic, many of us feel we can shield ourselves from pain and distress, but that itself is exuding an excess amount of fear. One does not cloud judgement with emotions, but without them. What you should fear is lack of balance. We should use our emotions as a starting point, and balance them out with logical processes. It is important to never dive emotionally overboard, and at the same time, to allow yourself to be guided the way you feel. 

Ask yourself why you feel the way you do.
But more importantly, let yourself feel the way you do.