12 Minutes of Pain

There is a saying "All emotional pain lasts for 12 minutes. Anything longer than that is self-inflicted." While not the most factual of statements, the basis is something of substance. This blog post is going to be about the universal influence in everyone's lives, emotions.  Emotions play a key role in our lives on a daily basis, whether we are able to identify how we feel at this very moment. As insignificant and easy as it sounds, many people cannot recognize their emotions and often act out in various ways as methods of coping with them. Have you ever asked yourself, "Why am I feeling the way I'm feeling?" If not, you should start. Emotions are a guiding factor in most of our activities. Without them, much of our lives would cease to exist. Why would we have have friends if we could not feel loneliness? Why would we listen to sad songs if we could not feel pain? There would be no catharsis from a good cry if there was no reason to cry about. How long would our lives last if we could not feel fear? Why would we be determined to reach a goal if there was no glory or sense of pride waiting at the top of the hill? Who would say sorry if there was no guilt?
Everyone feels all these emotions, but the dichotomy of strong verses weak that is ingrained in us from an early age is ever present and presides over much of our thought processes. Emotions, though we cannot control them, are a forceful factor in how we manage our lives. Though they can cause one to become irrational and throw fits of rage, spiral into bouts of depression, or just an overall numbness from an overload of feelings, feelings itself make life worthwhile. If this is the case, then why are so many people afraid to come forth with their emotions and be open about how they feel?
Contrary to popular belief, feelings come from a place of logic rather than irrationality, as they are messages are brain is trying to send us regarding the situations we are placed in. Allowing yourself to experience them to the fullest extent is not only placing you in an assertive mindset and making you the key player in the story of your life, but it is also allowing you to feel alive. Talking about the way you feel is not emasculating, rather it is a feat all its own. Owning up to your emotions can minimize the problems in your life that are causing them. In fact, not giving your feelings the power they merit encapsulates you in a cycle of trauma, and you may never alleviate the negative emotions you do not let yourself experience. It is understandable that most people favor the rational over emotional, but emotional mastery is something we should all strive for.

"If we can accept the idea that each emotion exists for a reason, then we can find the value that each emotion provides to us.  Finding this value may allow us to understand our feelings and express them in more adaptive ways.  The expression of anger does not have to involve yelling or violence, sadness does not have to involve crying, fear does not have to involve hiding or avoiding. If we listen to our emotions, and understand what our emotions mean, we can respect them and their intensity often fades." -Erik Fisher, Ph.D. Many people are afraid of being vulnerable, but your vulnerable self is your true self, and if you are afraid of your true self, then you have some things to work on. Through the use of purely logic, many of us feel we can shield ourselves from pain and distress, but that itself is exuding an excess amount of fear. One does not cloud judgement with emotions, but without them. What you should fear is lack of balance. We should use our emotions as a starting point, and balance them out with logical processes. It is important to never dive emotionally overboard, and at the same time, to allow yourself to be guided the way you feel. 

Ask yourself why you feel the way you do.
But more importantly, let yourself feel the way you do.

Our Generation: No Anger, No Edge, No Ego

 The "medium theory" states that the biggest media of the time period changes the way people operate in every other aspect of their lives. For example, in the 1980's and early 90's, television was the biggest medium that was generally available to most populations. Everything on the TV, according to Media Effects researcher Neil Postman, author of 'Amusing Ourselves to Death,' was entertainment. That medium producing entertainment then turns everything else in our lives into entertainment. Shows like the Magic School Bus turned education into entertainment, Shows like Joel Osteen and the 700 Club turned religion into entertainment, and even the news turned into pure entertainment. In Postman's opinion, and mine, news shows like FOX and CNN are not to deliver actual news; they serve to entertain. If they weren't, than newscasters would not have to wear makeup, and you'll notice that most if not all of them are attractive, young, and have the voice for reading things off a teleprompter, yet few of them are knowledgeable about the topics they are reading to millions of viewers nightly. News shows also only comment on stories for about 30 seconds to up to a few minutes, with a lack of context, and the commercial breaks in between alleviate any effectiveness that the stories may have on the audience. These shows basically take you on an emotional roller coaster, and play background music to cue how you should feel when you see the different stories they are broadcasting. We do not watch the news to be informed, so any psuedo- intellectual that brags about how much he/she watches the news is doing nothing more than entertaining themselves on a regular basis, nothing much to be proud of, because we all do that. Neil Postman wrote his book when the TV was the most widely used type of media of the time, and he wasn't worried about an apocalyptic Big Brother-esque era that Orwell feared in 1984. No, instead, he was concerned that our generation would drown in irrelevance, and he was right.

The problem with Generation Y, the Millennial generation, is we settled into a state of apathy and knowledge. We are acutely aware of the problems in society, yet we feel backed against a wall about them. What are we going to do to fix them? Nothing.

We are one of the only generations to appear to be past "culture wars," as we did not heavily rebel against our parents. Instead, we listen to much of the same music, watch similar TV and movies, and enjoy the same products. The New York times call us the entrepreneurial and 'post-emotional' generation. "No anger, no edge, no ego."

"This generation is also sometimes referred to as the Boomerang or Peter Pan Generation, because of the members' perceived penchant for delaying some rites of passage into adulthood, longer periods than most generations before them. These labels were also a reference to a trend toward members living with their parents for longer periods than previous generations. As a group, Generation Y are said to be much closer to their parents than their parents' generation^. While 40% of Baby Boomers in 1974 claimed they would be "better off without their parents" according to one study, 90% of Generation Y'ers claimed to be "extremely close" to their parents in another study. Most also claim that the older generations had better morals"



We are not the peace and love movement of the 60's, the hip hop generation, the rage and angst generation, or even the MTV generation anymore. No, we are the hipsters, and we produce basically nothing of substance. According to a New York Magazine article, "The hipster movement did not produce artists, but tattoo artists. It did not yield a great literature, but it made good use of fonts."

Generation Y does not rely solely on the TV anymore. Every since the world wide web became readily available in 1991, we have become unimpressed and expect instantaneous gratification. Smartphones and the internet are our biggest source of media today, and it reflects upon all other aspects of our lives, according to medium theory. Think about when you make plans with a friend. How many times are your plans so concrete that you do not need to send them a text asking where or when you are exactly meeting? Not many. Our plans often have an essence of fluidity about them. They are changeable and wavering, as our lives are. We lack a great deal of structure and rely more on spontaneity. We are more peer oriented than any other time period before us, and the abundance of instant communication and media made that possible. The emergence of the internet, Youtube, email, text messaging, IM, Twitter, and Facebook contributes to the fact that we are the most hedonistic age group to date. We even expect friends at any time of the day or night, which is basically what Facebook is. We are constantly criticized for our lack of angst and are described as 'spent.' The 2000's produced no new, age defining music, but instead, has been attributed with an overload of autotune, built on the foundations of R&B and hip hop from the 90's. We merely revive styles of past decades but fail to create anything new.

So here's what I'm saying:
Get angsty. Get angry. Get edgy.
Just get going.

My Mom, The Ultimate Role Model

Okay, so based off the title of this blog, you probably know who I am basing this post off of. Just kidding, who wants to hear about someone rambling on about all the nice things their mother did for them. Of course, everyone in their own way views their parents or guardians as role models, in both negative and positive ways, but this post is going to be about a universal role model, Kim Kardashian and the rest of the Kardashian clan. Their claim to fame is their hit show on E! Keeping Up With the Kardashians, chronicling their lives into petty yet for some reason interesting and entertaining 44 minute blocks. She has two sisters, 25 year old Khloe, 31 year old Kourtney, two half sisters, 16 and 14 year old, respectively,  Kendall and Kylie, and a younger brother, 24 year old Robert. The matriarch of the family, Kris Jenner, acts as their support system and manager for all their careers, and Bruce Jenner, a former Olympic gold medalist, plays the conservative down to earth dad with everyone's well being in mind. Kim is known for her bodacious curves. She and her sisters have their own clothing line, perfume, nail polish, and Kim also dabbles in singing, acting, and does a great deal of modelling. However, it is widely known that really, she isn't good at anything and her career is just being rich. And because she's rich, she get richer, simple as that. She's a spoiled brat who doesn't appreciate what she has and the constant drama she encounters and provokes on the show clarifies the fact that money did not make her a better person. She was recently involved in a 72 day marriage to the Nets player Kris Humphries. On the outside, the marriage seemed shallow and not well thought out, and ended on an equally bad note. However, I do not consider Kim a role model because she is beautiful or rich or glamorous. No, I think she is an influence for the main reason that she represents the fact that money truly does not buy happiness. None of them look especially happy; Kourtney has constant relationship problems with longtime boyfriend Scott, Kim got divorced after 3 months. For the hottest woman in the world, it's still pretty hard for her to find love. Kendall and Kylie look exactly the same. Rob graduated from college and still has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Khloe is negative about everything in life. Kris Jenner is money hungry controlling mean lady, and Bruce, well Bruce is married to Kris. I watch the show every Sunday religiously, and never once does the thought ever cross my mind "Hey, I'd like to be one of them".

A.D.D., or what I learned from Tigger

So this is my first post. Everyday we are influenced by myriad role models, in both positive and negative ways. I decided my blog is going to incorporate television shows, movies, and real people, all as various role models. Today, I am going to review the Tigger Movie, an animated comedy drama film for all ages. My favorite character from the Hundred Acre Wood, in this movie Tigger is on the search for others like him, yet to be discovered family members. Even after 11 years, this movie still resonates with me, in a new way every time I see it (every 4 or 5 months haha). At the beginning of the movie, Tigger starts to feel pangs of loneliness and neglect. His friends become irritated with him due to his clumsiness and altogether youthful vibrancy, especially Rabbit and Gopher, who tend to be grumpy in general. Roo, Kanga's young son, considers Tigger an older brother figure and holds him very close in his heart, yet the bouncy tiger does not recognize this until much later on. Owl explains to them that in order to not be alone anymore, one must find their family tree. They take this literally and Tigger writes a letter to his family, but there is never a response. He gets more depressed as the days go on, so to cheer him up, Roo decides to make all the Hundred Acre Wood characters write a letter back from Tigger's "family" and dress up like other Tiggers. However, Tigger realizes what's going on eventually and runs off in the middle of a snowstorm in a bout of anger, feeling that his friends thought his whole struggle was one big joke. He leaves them with a TTFE, "Ta ta FOREVER". All his friends feel terrible and come looking for him, and in the midst of an avalanche, Tigger realizes how much they care about him, and everyone ends up safe through teamwork. Christopher Robin explains to Tigger and the rest of the group that his family based upon blood relations but friendship and who cares about him the most. Tigger realizes that his friends are his family, a very sentimental moment, and all's well that ends well.
Okay, yes, this can seem cheesy, but how many times have you had fights with your family? I know I have fights with mine all the time, much more than how much I fight with my best friends. I am closer with my best friend than my parents, and even though many people have very different relationships with their families, friends really do have the ability to make you who you are. This movie really did teach impressionable young me that friends are an important part of your life, and should never be taken for granted. It takes Tigger a near death experience with him and his friends to realize this. Luckily that's never happened between me and my own friends, but it does represent the fact that you have to go through tough times with your best friends to get closer with them. This movie had a great message for children and adults alike, that you're never alone, whether you have family or not, as long as you have people that care about. Yes, it's corny, but it's true. It also has a terrific soundtrack, including "The Tigger Song," but my main point of this blog post is that, besides the fact that Tigger is an OG with a hell of a lot of bounce, he represents the fact that you create your own reality. Yes, he does not know any of his blood relatives, or even if he has any, yet he chooses to live his life happily and not to dwell on what he doesn't have, but concentrate on what he does. I think life and living well is about thinking positively, and Tigger taught me as a kid just that. He also had fantastic stripes.